In many years going in and out of HR departments in agencies on both coasts, i finally figured out what HR in advertising is: they are the angry fat girl nobody ever asked to dance. And if you think about them that way, it puts things in some serious perspective and clarity. Because you should give the angry fat girl whatever she wants, and be extra sure to stay out of her way. Likewise, with the right kinds of chocolate, she can really be a boon to your career. It makes sense. Advertising is, after all, probably the most glamourous type of "business" outside making movies, at least in the perception of those outside of it. So that would make the HR folks...Casting directors? Well, no. Casting directors go to all the parties, and make a fortune and even get top billing when the screen credits roll. And casting directors are revered by the stars. Brad Pitt routinely sends his favorite casting people baskets of organic fruit and other lavish gifts. What do Ad HR people get? Leftovers from the meetings, or the occasional off-site where they learn about sexual harrassment. They are left out. This is apparent as they smile their evil smiles through gritted teeth, drawing hateful daggers around us even as they cooly "check-in" and ask how things are going "down here in 'nutty' creative". But we know what they REALLY want: recognition, some semblence of respect that isn't inspired by fear, and maybe some of the Lindt chocolate left over in the wicker basket on the filing cabinet over there. And when they don't get it, they simmer, stew and seethe. And plot your demise. Paranoid? Yes. Realistic? YES. Inside the invite-only exclusive glamour pool, where the high-paid superstars like,you or I, get to bask in the sun, lounging on cushy chairs where attendants drop ripe grapes and anti-depressants into our waiting mouths like Rome or Orange County, and we rub the sacred oils pressed from rare fruits onto our glistening skin, we take for granted our stature, and how our pontifications and ramblings hold staffers rapt, who take notes assiduously, hoping one day to be as full of shit as we are. Where's HR? They are in the lifeguard tower, glowering at us, just waiting for us to fuck up so they can cease our antics with their shrill whistle. Of course, like any cop, they will pull your ass over, waddle up to you and as you pay your homage with dredged up pseudo-respect, then weakly try and soften their obvious pandering for respect with explanations of how dangerous it is to be doing what we're doing. Becasue they want us to believe they are looking out for us, saving us, not wielding unnatural amounts of power of us that has no bearing on reality. Because physics states that "nature abhors a vacuum", what other role COULD they play? It is both natural and should be expected of them. This is what the fat lonely girl gets: she doesn't actually dance or get laid after the dance--but she will wreck your reputation and unseat you just to be part of it--and in doing so, serves her role in the creative-ad-ecosystem we know and sometimes loathe. So bring her chocolate. Tell her she looks nice. Thank her for hiring that new girl who is really kicking ass in the print dept. Because the fat girl is out to get you, and she knows who her friends are.